Fetish World and The Real World

October 5, 2011

in Contemplation

I’ve always hidden my attraction to smoking women. But now that’s going to change, and I don’t know how to handle it.

When I first started developing my attraction to women who smoke I didn’t know what to do. It was freaked out by it.

It felt wrong.

And yet day after day I was lusting after smokers I saw standing in their own smoky worlds at bus stops, and across the haze of a restaurant smoking sections (remember those?!).

When I was at school I would stand outside the school gates after class and watch as girl after girl tentatively got their cigarettes out of their bags and lit up some of their first cigarettes, thinking to myself that those first cigarettes would certainly not be their last.

And over time I grew to love my smoking fetish.

It has made me hyper aware of the beauty of what many consider mundane, or even disgusting. Seeing a woman drag on a cigarette can literally turn my day around, from average to extraordinary.

But it has always been my little secret -at least in the real world, where I am a non-smoker.

I was at a party the other day when a girl I’d not seen for a while came up to me and asked:

“Have you got a light?… Oh of course not, you’ve always been a good little boy”.

I make my excuses to hang with the smokers but I’m not one of them.

Having a place online to share my appreciation of smoking women has been a lot of fun over the years and I love the online friends I’ve made who know the intricate details of smoking brands and the lingo of smoking.

  • French inhales?
  • Snaps?
  • Double-pumps?

We know them and love them all.

In Real Life

It’s not that I’m a raging Anti-Smoker in real life. I’ve gradually introduced elements of my fetish to my friends. I’ve openly admitted that I think smoking is ‘cool’, even if I say it in a jokey way. And yes you’ll find me outside at most parties, bathing myself in second-hand smoke.

But I’ve not had a smoking girlfriend….until now.

Let me just say¬†publicly¬†that she’s amazing. And I can’t believe my luck. But I need to get over my issues with being identified as dating a smoker.


I know that dating a smoker does not automatically tell the world that I have a smoking fetish…but it kind of does….

And I feel like my attraction to smoking women is going to be made public to my friends.

By dating a smoker I’m living the dream, but its weird waking up in the real world with a smoker on my arm.



CC55 October 5, 2011 at 3:09 am

You’re right, my friend. You are living the dream. Savor it. Don’t overthink it.

Having a girlfriend who smokes is not a signal to the world that you have a smoking fetish. You don’t have to make excuses to hang around smokers. You don’t have to justify anything to anyone. Just be yourself and let events unfold naturally and all will go well.

I do understand your concern that sooner or later as you and your girlfriend meet more of your friends and family, that some might question your girlfriend’s choice to smoke, or your choice to date a smoker. Most people will not actually raise the question directly. For those who do, all one has to say is simply that you like being with her for who she is and that’s all that is important.

We all are free to make choices. Those who matter in your life will be supportive of the choices you make. As long as you are comfortable with your choices, then you’ve found one of the most important keys to happiness.

Pete October 5, 2011 at 3:07 pm

Yes, that’s right, having a smoking girlfriend is NOT a sign to the world that you have a smoking fetish. There are all sorts of other things you like about her and that bind you together, apart from her smoking.

Therefore nobody knows whether:
(a) her being a smoker is something that she’s chosen for herself and about which you’re neutral because you care about her or
(b) you actively enjoy the fact that she’s a smoker, as in having a fetish.

People can speculate and speculate, but they’ll never know unless you tell them, and the choice as to whether you tell them or not is yours.

It’s not that you would necessarily want to be deceitful, but, on the other hand, just like anyone else, you needn’t bare your innermost feelings to every Tom, Dick, Mary and Harry – not even to your parents, if you’d prefer.

Pete October 7, 2011 at 7:05 pm

In relation to my discussion above, most people will assume that it’s (a).

jsmoke October 7, 2011 at 11:50 am

CC and Pete are correct. The only way people will find out is if you tell them. I have dated several smokers in the past and have even married one and I am a non as well. MY secret is still safe from everyone, including my wife.

vin October 7, 2011 at 6:33 pm

agree with the others here, you are over thinking things through a lens that no one else will be looking through

Pete October 7, 2011 at 7:04 pm


Richard Kohler October 14, 2011 at 10:14 am

My girlfriend/fiancee is a smoker and to me it just adds to everything a women should be…wife,mother,lover, it is so very sexy!

brian November 11, 2011 at 4:49 am

You are thinking way too much! Just enjoy it and go with the flow!!! I too have an extreme smoking fetish. I lived with a smoker for 12 years and she never even knew about it. We broke up in 2006 and until last July I had been alone. I never smoked cigarettes at all until 3 months ago!

I am now with another smoker who is 15 years my jr (I am 45, she is 30) who was a temporary employee in my company. I had it bad for her the whole time she worked with me. I never hit on her or anything as she has a little girl and she lived with the girls father. I used to bring her chocolate every other week or so and along with a couple others we would do lunch together a couple of times a week She got a permanent job last January and I thought I would never see her again. Well–she kept in touch with a couple of ladies in the office and they told me in June she lost her job, her boyfriend, and her house she had with him all within a 2 week period around Memorial Day. A lot of our co-workers knew I had a thing for her but I kept my distance. I dont believe in being a home wrecker. Part of my attraction to her was because she was a smoker, and she would tease me by telling me when she was going outside on breaks that she would say to me ” I want to see you smoke–why dont you come outside with us ”

The women she kept in touch with told me she was working as a waitress so I went to the restaurant she was at and I talked to her. She was really going through bad times and she was happy I looked her up.

We started to hang out once in a while as friends, and then one Friday night when she got out of work and her daughters father had the little girl for the weekend we rented a movie and got a pizza and some beer and went to her apartment. We started to talk about smoking. I told her I never smoked tobacco before, and I mentioned how she used say she wanted to see me smoke and how I used to gloss over it when she said that. She then told me that if we were ever going to be more than friends that she wouldnt be with anyone who didnt smoke because she said as long as that person didnt smoke, that no matter how accepting the guy would be of her smoking she wouldnt get serious about a relationship as sooner or later the smoking would come up and the non smoker would find something to bitch about in regard to the smoking, and she said she didnt want that hassle. I tried to tell her that if someone likes her and she feels the same way that she shouldnt let smoking stand in the way. She absolutely refused to change her mind on that! I felt really bad and told her so. She then said it was up to me. I could stay that night with her and sleep on the couch, but if I wanted to have anything more than friendship with her I would have to try to start smoking with her tomorrow. She was 100% serious too!!

The next day she got up at 7AM & woke me up. She brewed a 12 cup pot of coffee and she woke me up with the carafe in her hand and told me to come into her bedroom with her. She then handed me a Newport Menthol Gold (short) with a cup of coffee and said it was my time to start. I was scared and embarrassed, but she again said if I want more than friendship I better light up NOW or that will be it. I had smoked weed in high school & college and she laughed at me and told me I was smoking a cigarette–NOT a joint!! She made me smoke 3 in a row, and although at first I felt woozy and weird, it really wasnt so bad. She had me smoke 1 every hour for the rest of the weekend–and the rest is history! I now smoke a pack every 3 days.

Since I make a lot more than she does, she has me buy a carton and leave them at her house. I also carry a lighter now and when I see her taking a cigarette out of the pack she holds it out in her fingers and she shoots me a really cold look–so I immediately light it for her. Our relationship is much more than “just friends” now, and when her lease expires next year she is already talking about moving in to my house!

DONT EVER think too much about things. I still cant believe that cigarette smoking has brought me a woman I am absolutely crazy about and have made me the happiest person in the world!!!!!!!!!

The big lesson I have learned from her in all this is that she feels that if a man likes a woman and she is a smoker than he must accept that fact and realize that because she IS a smoker than deep down HE must truly like and enjoy smoking as well, and if he does not feel this way than he really does not have deep down strong feelings for his lady. She says that because I tried smoking and now that I am a regular smoker that this proves her right and I “passed the test!!”

CC55 November 12, 2011 at 6:30 pm

Interesting story, and I’m glad things are working out well for both of you. The circumstances you described tend to corroborate a hunch that I have had for a long time that while not all women who smoke would prefer that their boyfriend smoke also, the large majority of them would prefer it. I smoked for several years as a younger man to create more opportunities to cultivate relationships with women who smoked. It was fun for awhile, but I decided that the downside to my smoking entailed more risk and financial expense than I was willing to assume. I hope the path you have chosen continues to make you happy and that the two of you have a great run as a couple.

mICK!!! December 21, 2011 at 5:17 am

Brian, that is an amazing story. Tell me its true if it is, cause it comes off as too impossible to believe! OMG. Really? That is every smoking fetisher’s fantasy girl!!!

mICK!!! December 21, 2011 at 5:21 am

Flamingo – seriously, don’t go getting your knickers in a tizzy forchristsakes! It isn’t all that. Perspective is everything, and you – seeing as how it IS you – have no way of being able to see yourself through others’ lenses. From MY lens of seeing it, you don’t have to go there. No one will ask, and if they do, just like the other gents have suggested, just say: “Really, its that I dig her, so I can over look that, as it is the actual person I am focused on, not her practices. I hear ya though, but it really isn’t all that for me…” And they will just shut up about it. The ones that don’t STFU, F**K em! You know?

Is she hot?

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